Let Me Be A Morsel Of Your Memories

Privacy Invaded by Possible Credit Card Scam

2012-03-02T08:57:00.001+08:00

Last night, my husband received a call from a courier man some time after dinner. He claimed that he has a delivery from Bank of China (BOC) to deliver to my husband personally or he wont get paid for the consignment. As my husband's company has a working relationship with BOC, he thought that it could possibly be some legit document. Suspecting something amiss, I told my husband that I have recently read about some scamers who claimed to be couriers bearing gifts or packages and demanding payment from the receipients.

Half an hour later, the man arrived at our door and my husband answered the door personally. The man gave my husband a photocopied blank credit card application form and requested for his signature on the blank form plus copies of his NRIC, Income Tax Return and Pay slip. My husband refused to sign the form or present those highly confidential documents. He told the courier that he will only sign the acknowledgement of delivery for him.

My husband is going to lodge a police report today.

After that, I googled credit card application scam and stumble upon this website WhoCallsMe and realised that we are not the first. Someone even claimed that he/she is a telemarketer who may have called and arranged for such delivery and that it was legit.

NOW the biggest problem. I FEEL THAT OUR PRIVACY HAS BEEN INVADED. How the hell did they get our personal particulars. Such as full name, contact numbers and even the home address. This is very dangerous. If these information falls into the wrong hands, who knows what kind of dangers await us?

Seeing things from a wheel chair

2011-09-28T13:02:00.000+08:00

After my knee micro-fracture operation on August 10th, I experienced what life was like for someone who needs the wheelchair or crutches. My conclusion is that Singapore, my beloved country is not so handicapped or elderly friendly after all and that our people are not very considerate.

The first two weeks after the operation were probably the worst in my life. Crying secretly in the toilet, I could feel myself slipping into a very depressive state of mind. Simple things I took for granted like going to the toilet and showering was a tedious exercise that left me sore and frustrated. I would try to hold my bladder so that I did not need to make my journey to the toilet as often. Enjoying afternoon tea with the other TaiTai's and shopping were out of the question. Most of my time was spent lying in bed reading or sitting up watching television and ending up feeling aches and sore all over my body. Walking was painful, but so was sitting and lying around. My Cervical Disk Replacement Operation which was a major operation 2 years ago, had a much more easier post-op recovery period. I was going about my daily activities a few days after surgery and driving around by the third or fourth week.

Thankfully for GOD and His words, I was able to keep myself sane and not slip into depression these past few weeks.

Back to the point that Singapore is not handicap friendly enough. During the first 2 weeks post-op, my hubby and children brought me out using a wheelchair when necessary. It was during these outings that I was able to see the world from a wheelchair. What we took for granted daily is really very daunting for those who need to get around in a wheelchair or crutches. I cannot complain because I will be able to walk without aid in a few more weeks, but I am sharing my point of view from a wheelchair.

For a start, although there is a ramp from the carpark to the void deck, it is not sheltered from rain. The nearest drop off point with a shelter is the next block and you really cannot complain if you are able to walk. However, in a wheel-chair, it becomes a nightmare because the blocks are joint by a flight of stairs with no ramp. So what if every floor is accessible by elevators; getting into your own block is a challenge most of the time.

The many curbs and drops on pavements and walkways, motorcycles parked along pedestrains walkways and void decks, prayer offerings in the middle of a walkway all add up to just making it even more miserable for wheelchair users.

In the US, supermakets have motorised wheelchair that looks like a motor scooter with a shopping basket in front, allowing the less mobile or elderly shoppers to pick up their own groceries. Here, I have been depending on my husband to do the groceries shopping on a weekly basis for the past 6 weeks. I tried going to the supermarket on my own, now that I am on crutches, but realised that I cannot push a shopping trolley nor carry a shopping basket and use my crutches at the same time.

We boast of being a first class city and offering first class public transport and housing and to our citizens but I don't think this first class feeling applies to the less mobile elderly and the handicapped. These 6 weeks have made me realised that there is a lot of room for improvement to make Singapore more condusive for the elderly and handicapped. Now, I think I can truly understand why some elderly people choose to stay at home rather then go out even if they are bored.

2011-08-23T09:31:00.002+08:00

God, life seems so bleak and useless right now. I don't have any energy. I have no ambition to do much of anything. I am really feeling down. I feel "down on" myself and "down on" everyone around me. Even as I pray, I don't sense your presence. I am going through the motions, knowing that you are still with me.

I know that I am sacred and precious but they are just words right now. I know that my life has been worthwhile, full of many wonderful people and experiences, much happiness and joy. I feel little of this right now. God, all I can do is affirm the goodness of life and try to hold on until the darkness is replaced by your light and love.

Help me to spot the lies that my depressed emotions are telling me. Life is good. I am good. You are good. Grant me hope. My loved ones love me. Life will be beautiful again. Soon, I will see the beauty around me again. Soon, I will again know vitality and purpose, happiness and love. Until then, give me the strength and hope to survive this day.

Help me to smile and laugh, even if just for a moment. Be my strength and salvation. I ask you to restore me and make me whole. Fill me with the Word and the Spirit that I might be recreated anew. I praise and thank you. Amen.

Living in a Black Hole

2011-06-28T16:26:00.001+08:00

We all go through ups and downs in our mood. Sadness is a normal reaction to life’s struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word “depression” to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness.

Feeling down from time to time is a normal part of life. But when emptiness and despair take hold and won't go away, it may be depression. The lows of depression make it tough to function and enjoy life like you once did. Hobbies and friends don’t interest you like they used to; you’re exhausted all the time; and just getting through the day can be overwhelming. When you’re depressed, things feel hopeless.

For some, depression is like living in a black hole or having a feeling of impending doom. However, some depressed people don't feel sad at all—instead, they feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic.
Whatever the symptoms, depression is different from normal sadness in that it engulfs your day-to-day life, interfering with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and have fun. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting, with little, if any, relief.

Depression is a major risk factor for suicide. The deep despair and hopelessness that goes along with depression can make suicide feel like the only way to escape the pain. Thoughts of death or suicide are serious symptoms of depression, so take any suicidal talk or behavior seriously. It's not just a warning sign that the person is thinking about suicide: it's a cry for help.

Comparing Sexuality with the Western Culture

2010-11-01T15:38:00.001+08:00

Homosexuality

In comparison to the United States, tolerance and attitudes towards homosexuality is still very conservative in our local culture - gays and lesbians may be beginning to open up about their sexual orientation, but they are still trying to seek recognition from the government and society. In a recent poll conducted by a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) group over the Internet from 7 September to 12 October 2010, 1003 valid responses were counted. (source)

In 2007, our Prime Minister said in Parliament that repealing the law would grant acceptance to gay activists. (source) Although homosexuals work in all sectors and are free to lead their lives and pursue their social activities, the government cannot approve of them actively promoting their lifestyle to others or setting the tone of mainstream society.

In the United States, a few states recognise same-sex marriages, and homosexuals are still fighting for more recognition.

Socially, there is also more freedom in the United States for media to portray and reflect sexual contents, whereas Singapore’s television programs that “advocate” or “promote” homosexuality are routinely censored. In 2008, MediaCorp (our local television station) was fined S$15,000 (US$11,500) by the Media Development Authority (MDA) for broadcasting an episode of a home and decor reality TV show that featured a same-sex couple and their adopted child.

Use of Contraceptives

Similar to America, Singapore’s post-war baby boomers were in their productive years by the 1940s. We experienced exponential rates of population growth leading to social problems such as food and housing shortages, and raised concerns over the welfare of mothers who underwent multiple pregnancies and the unwanted children produced by families without the means to support them. Like the United States, the main purpose of contraceptives in Singapore was birth control. Prior to the introduction of the oral pill in the 1960s, the most popular contraceptive methods were the diaphragm, the condom and the foam tablet.

Today, contraceptives are used by both single and married women as well as men. Most contraceptives both in Singapore and the US are obtainable with a prescription from any general practitioner or convenience store.

Legal abortion

As in America, abortion is also legal in Singapore and similarly it is only within the first two trimesters or twenty-four weeks in our context unless a mother’s life is in danger. Statistics show that there were 12,222 abortions in Singapore in 2008, compared to 11,933 in 2007. During the same period there were 39,935 babies delivered indicating that roughly 1 in 4 pregnancies are terminated. While a small proportion of pregnancies are terminated for health reasons, most terminations are due to financial or social concerns (unwanted pregnancy). (source)

The liberalization of abortion legislation in 19974 resulted in a dramatic increase in the number of abortions performed. With the easy access to legal abortions, a study done by National University of Singapore’s Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology showed that teenage abortion rate peaked at 13.7 per 1000 female teenagers in 1985 compared to 0.2 in 1970.

Teenage Sexuality and Sex Education in School

Local newspapers reports show that teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease cases are on the rise among the youth. Institutes for higher education such as polytechnics and universities no longer promote abstinence but safe sex. Condoms are given out in campus to spread the message of safe sex. (source)

Fueled by the rising influence of the western culture of liberal expression, the rise in the popularity of a sex culture is a worrying trend in Singapore. It is becoming gradually acceptable that casual sex has become an acceptable way of life for a growing number of youth and attitudes towards sex are becoming lax. (source)

A letter to Daddy

2010-09-17T17:14:00.001+08:00

I was walking down memory lane, scanning pictures from my old photo albums to store digital copies of them. Tears started to fall. I was also overwhelmed by pain, and I am still crying as I make this entry. Pain with the memories of you. Those pictures brought me back to those days when we were still in Jalan Kembangan and how I loved to dangle my legs into the water whenever it flooded and how I will sure get a spanking from Mummy for doing that. Of course, I knew then, that I always had a knight in shinning armour who could always rescue me from Mummy's wrath.....

I remember there was this big flood canal just in front of our house as well as that jambu tree with its branches hanging out over the canal. I remember climbing up that tree as I played with children from the neighbourhood and how can I forget the time that I fell into the canal from the tree. Luckily for me the canal was dry or I would have been washed out into the sea at Katong (Marine Parade of today). And because of that Daddy, you decided that it was time to move out of that house into a HDB unit to be safe. I actually miss that tree and the flood....

When the children were younger, Dad, I tried teaching them how to climb trees in the park - telling them about the jambu tree infront of our house and how I fell into the canal. But now that they have grown into beautiful elegant teenagers and I can only teach them life skills instead. I am really glad Dad, that they have followed Christ too. I strayed and I am now trying to make a return to Christ. I know that is what you would like of me to do, so that we may one day be reunited inside the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

You left to be with our creator when I was only seven and Richard was only two. Why? Why did you have to go? You were always there for me when mummy canned me. You would go out in the rain, just to get me the toy I wanted from Tay Ban Guan (a shopping centre in Katong). Every year, you would get me my birthday cake from the Red House in Katong. These buildings still stand there, even though the business is no longer there, but YOU are no longer around. Only memories of you live in me. Richard may be too young then to remember much of you, but not me. You were everything a Dad ought to be - a protector, caregiver, educator and more. You taught me to care for the poor and needy by setting me examples and bringing me to the homes and sharing during Christmas. All these values, I only appreciate them when I grew up and became a parent myself.

Daddy, its been 39 years since you have been laid down to rest, but I still see you in my sleep. You are a memory that I cannot let go of. I always tell my children that if only they had knew you, they would have been real proud to be your granddaughters and saw what a wonderful person you were. I have brought them to your graveside and told them stories about you.

Remember this Walking Talking Doll you bought for me on my 4th birthday? It was a latest technology, I was the envy of everyone. Even my daughters never had a Walking Talking doll. Hahaha...

Why?

2010-05-17T08:36:00.002+08:00

My little boy is turning ONE

2010-05-04T17:58:00.011+08:00

Its been eight months since you came to live with us and you have filled those eight months with joy and laughter for the family. I still remember those weeks leading up to you coming home with us. Bernice and Claire wanted a puppy and I thought it was time the girls be allowed to have one. Bernice wanted a JS and Claire wanted a CKC, but both agreed that it must be a female. So for several weekends, we scored the papers, pet farms, pet shops and even the internet looking for one.

After talking to some pet farm assistants, we decided that it will not be a CKC as they are more prone to eye and ear infection. So it was decided that it will be a female JS.

We continued our hunt, driving around every weekend and public holiday. Some shops and farms tried to coax the girls into getting a different breed, telling us that JS are hard to maintain and tend to be a one-person dog. Then we saw some very adorable little JS at Ericsson Pet Farm, but some how, those little darlings did not take the heart of the girls because they were boys.

Then one fateful Sunday morning, I saw an advertisement in the classified for a pet shop along Upper Thomson Road. I called and they confirmed that they have a female JS for sale. So despite of the downpour, we decide to bring Claire there to check it out. To my disappointment, I was lied to. They did not have any girl at all but two boys for sale.

However, since we were there, we thought we would just take a look at you and your brother. Claire held you gingerly in her arms, so afraid that she will drop you and fell in love with you almost instantly. And you showed her that you loved her too, unlike the other little boys she saw previously who were somehow too proud to acknowledge her or your brother who was actually shivering with fear when she held him. You were so full of affection for her when she hugged you. Claire told me she wanted you, but I did not want to commit ourselves to you before Bernice saw you. So 2 days later on a Tuesday afternoon, I drove Bernice and Leroy (without Claire who was in school) to the shop to see you and again it was raining. I was careful not to let lose that you were the chosen one by Claire. I wanted Bernice to have an unbiased love for you.

Bernice was shown your brother first before you. She hugged him for a while and said that he was adorable but not very responsive in loving back. Then she was given you. The moment she took you in her arms, you were all about loving her and trying to nuzzle her.

Little darling, you melted the hearts of my two angels with your warmth and affection. Bernice decided there and then that she did not care if you were a girl or boy. She wanted you. So, ok, I was forced to make a booking for you on the spot and took you home the following day.

Since then Blanket, you have filled our days with so much joy and laughter with all your silly antics. I have never regretted a day that I paid so much for you. You were definatly worth every single cent I forked out for you and more.

You will be turning one in a few days and we all love you with all our heart. Happy Birthday, Blanket.

That cute little puppy who has just came home to live with us

and now.... You have grown into such a handsome little boy that never fails to turn heads when I walk you.

Pathology in the Hundred Acre Wood

2010-04-30T14:47:00.009+08:00

I was going throuh my Abnormal Child Psych text book studying and doing my assignments when I chanced upon this DSM-IV diagnosis of the Hundred Acre Wood characters. Never before have I perceived any cartoon characters in this way. So here it is: The Pathology in Hundred Acre Wood

Winnie-the-Pooh
ADHD (inactive sub-type)
OCD (provisional diagnosis)
Boderlin Intellectual functioning (very little brain)
Medical Disorder: Poor diet, obesity, binge eating,

Piglet
Generalized anxiety disorder
Medical Disorder: Failure to thrive (no wonder he is so small, hahaha)

Eeyor
Disthymic disorder
Medical condition: Traumatic amputation of tail
Psychosocial problem : Housing problems

Rabbit
Personality Disorder: Narcissistic personality

Tigger
ADHD hyperactivity-impulsivity subtype

Owl
Reading Disorder
Psychosocial problems : Housing Problem

Kanga
Psychosocial Problems : Single parent, unemployed, overprotective of child

Roo
Psychosocial Problems: Single parenthood, undesireable peer group, victim of unusual feeding practices (he eat extract of malt)

Christopher Robin
Gender identity disorder (provisional diagnosis)
Psychosocial Problems: Lack of parental supervision, possible educational problems

Try diagnosing other cartoon characters, I am sure you will have a good laugh too. I did. With my two angels.

And read this link if you wanna know more about our Hundred Acre Wood Friends.

A Mother's Pride and Fury

2010-04-08T10:23:00.003+08:00

I am so proud that Claire was able to identify positivity in a situation that is so negative and when everything else went against her.

Being slapped and bullied in school by a bunch of malays, she was of course upset and frightened. Who could blame a 13 year old for being upset when classmates spread rumours and gang-up against her? Who wouldn't be frightened to go to school?

As of now, she has yet to get over the fear of going to school in the morning. However, she was able to identify what was positive out of this adversity. She was able to see the whole thing as an obstacle that will strengthen and prepare her for what is yet to come in life. She saw the friends that stood by her and the true value of friendship.

This incident brought to light alot things I did not think was true of the school. I was warned about the discipline of the school before I sent her there, but chose to ignore it for the convenience of the distance as she has always had difficulties waking up early in the morning. In this incident, when she went to the school's counsellor about the slapping, it was not communicated to the teachers, discipline master or principal. If I had not approached the school, they would not even know that she was being slapped.

Worse things were to happen by their reactions to the whole incident. They do not constitute the slap to assault or bullying, even when I brought them proof that it was a pre-planned action. I asked them what constitutes assault? Does my daughter have to come home with a bleeding nose or broken arm before the school takes action? This is by far the crappiest discipline I have witnessed.

Till now, no action has been taken by the school at all. Not even splitting my gal from the project group (2malay gals and her and they are the ones that bullies her) and I know how though it is when those bloody minahs decide to speak in malay and leave her out of their plans only to blame her for not doing anything at the end of it. What about those times when she had to do all the group's work and presentation on her own and allowing those minahs to claim credit for all her work. I know, because I was there sitting beside her when she had to do those research online and print and collate everything.

Urghhhh... Praying hard that my girl can get a place in another school and then I am surely going to bring this up to the Ministry and the press. For now, I can only bite my lips and pray that my gal can hang in there and will not suffer anymore bodily harm or bullying.

Where is Justice if a victim is punished alongside the aggresor?

2010-03-30T15:15:00.002+08:00

Last night, Claire came back from school to tell me that she was being slapped. I was totally shocked and furious beyond what words could describe. How can my daughter be slapped in school by a classmate? Isn't the school the safest place a child can be in other than at home?

I got her to described the whole event to me and was told that it was time for recess and thus no teacher was around to see it. She heard her name being called by someone sitting next to her and turned to be slapped in the face and told that the slap was for kissing her brother the other day. Claire explained that it was a truth and dare game that was being played and the aggressor said she did not care.

How can it be possible? There must be more to it then that. Furious, her dad wrote an email to the school demanding an explaination or legal action will be taken. On the otherhand, I went down to the school early this morning requesting to see the principal or DM but was told by the office that they were all in a meeting. I then requested that someone get back to me within the day or I can't guarantee that my husband will not lodge a police report against the aggressor for slapping our daughter. And I was thinking that if I do not receive a satisfactory answer from the school, I will write in to MOE or ST Forum.

The school DM finally called me after talking to both Claire and the aggressor. He said that according to the aggressor, it was collective issues that culminated at Claire kissing her brother. And that those issues had got to do with friendly Claire was with everyone and how she always greet them with a pat on the back or the arm. I don't believe that the DM can take this for a reason to hit someone and even had Claire apologise for her behavior. Even if it is for real, can't she tell Claire about it rather then gathering hatred for Claire amongst classmates and slapping her?

To add salt to wound, the DM told me that he was gonna to punish both girls. I was shocked and asked him what he wanted to punish Claire for and was told that he wanted Claire to reflect on her behaviour towards friends. What a load of rubbish is that? I told him that I do agree with Claire reflecting of what has happened but punishment? What is the world coming to? This is gonna make the aggressor's day. I slapped someone and she deserves it. She even got punished for telling. What is the school condoning? Bully and you will be protected? Where is Justice?

I am fumming. I am boiling to the point to explosion. I am now waiting for Claire to come home and talk to her. If she is punished in anyway, I will make sure that this matter is brought to light - of the public and the Ministry. By then, School, you will not only have to answer to me, but the public.

Aggressor: I will draw blood if my sting is out. I will protect my brood even if it means laying my life on the platter. Don't anyone touch my princesses or you will see wreath like you have never seen before.

Doggy Groomers

2010-03-22T16:04:00.002+08:00

There are groomers and there are groomers. How do you determine what is best for that little four legged baby of yours? For me, I guess I have learnt my lesson.

I knew all the while that only the best will do for our furry baby, Blanket. And from since we got him, I have sent him to Fur and Away. Undeniably, they are the best. The owner Alex and his crew of groomers are professional when it comes to handling and calming a nervious pet. I saw with my own eyes how they calm an anxious or aggressive pet down without any force. They exercised patience and genuine care and love when handling the animal even when their owners are not around to supervise.

However, due to some of my personal health reasons, I have not been able to send my little darling to them for grooming and thought that I would try a home-based groomer recommended by a friend out of convenience because the groomer's place was just behind my block.

As all responsible pet parents will do, I insisted that I went in to the groomer's house and see her at work since it was a first visit. There in the confines of her balcony, I saw two border coollies in a cage. She claimed that they were here for grooming earlier and were waiting for their owner. I found it a little hard to believe as it was 9.30 in the morning and when she slotted me for the appointment, she said that the earliest possible slot was 9.30am after sending her kids off to play school. That aside, the two border collies were barking and she was screaming at them to keep quiet before she gets the cane. I was shocked beyond words and I told myself at the back of my mind that I will never leave my baby alone with her.

Anyway, I stay for the grooming session and at the end of it, I swear that I will never go back there again nor recommend anyone to it.

First and foremost, she does not even have a proper table for the pet to stand on whilst she trims and grooms them. The top of a dryer lined with newspaper was used as a grooming table and it was at a corner where only one side is accessible. Hence, she had to keep turning the poor pooch round and round in order to trim his fur and cut his nails.

Secondly, she was more interested in keeping her grooming set and floor clean then giving the customer a good service. She took care to catch every bunch of fur she snipped and puttin it into a plastic bag hanging nearby. After using the equipments, she made sure she cleaned and oiled the parts, wrapping it carefully in its wrapper and keeping it in its casing before taking out the next equipment. All this whilst my poor baby stood on top of the dryer waiting.

Finally when it was time to shower, I left thinking that only showering and drying was left to be done. Soon enough, the groomer called us to say that Blanket was ready to come home. My daughter brought him home and we realised that he was not even properly dried. It was worse then when I bathed him on my own.

Later on, within the same day, we noticed that little Blanket was shaking his head and pawing his ear more then usual. I told the children that water probably got in during the shower and that if he is still pawing his ears and shaking his head the next day, I would bring him to the vet. However, on closer observation, my younger gal, Claire found a nick in one of his ear. Luckily, the head shaking and pawing of his ears stopped the next day, so it must have really been water in his ear too. I have been told that water in the ear could cause infection and I was really furious with the groomer and heart-pained for our precious pooch.

Well that was just the previous Friday and today, we brought him back to Fur and Away for his grooming and a spa treatment. Afterall, my little Blanket deserves the best treatment just like my two little angels. Nothing can make me put my little Blanket in the hands of any other unprofessional groomers again no matter how cheap they cost.

Teenage Depression

2010-03-04T09:45:00.002+08:00

Teenage depression isn't just about bad moods and occassional melancholy. Depression is a serious problem that impacts every aspects of a teenager's life. Left untreated, teen depression can lead to problems at home and in school, drug abuse, self-loathing - even irreversible tregedy such as homicidal violence and suicide. (of which I have seen a few myself) Fortunately, teenage depression can be treated, and as a concerned parent, teacher or friend, there are many things you can do to help.

Understanding Teenage Depression

Yes, teen years are tough, but most teens balance the requisite angst with good friendships, success in school or outside activities, and the development of a strong sense of self. Occassional bad moods or acting out is expected, but depression is something different. Depression can destro the very essence of a teenager's personality, causing as overwhelming sense of sadness, despair, or anger.

Whether the incidence of teen depression is actually increasing, or we're just becoming more aware of it, the fact is that depression is highly treatable, however, only a small number of youths seek and receive help.

Unlike adults, who have the ability to seek assistance on thier own, teenagers usually must rely on parents, teachers, or ther caregivers to recognise their suffering and get them the treatment they need. So if you have an adolescent in your life, it's important to learn what teen depression looks like ad what to do if you spot the warning signals.

Signs and Symptoms of Teen Depression
Teenagers face a host of pressure, from the changes of puberty to questions about who they are and where they fit in. The natural tansition from child to adult can also bring parental conflict as teens start to assert their independence. With all this drama, it isn't always easy to differentiate between depression and normal teenage moodiness. Making things even more complicated, teens with depression do not necessarily appear sad, nor do they always withdraw from others. For some depressed teens, symptoms of irritability, aggression and rage are more prominent.

Some Helplines Available (Singapore)
SOS (Samaritans of Singapore) - Anybody in crisis and the suicidal (free)
1800 221 4444 (24 hours)

Student Advisory Centre (for runaway youths and parents)
6778 0700

TOUCHLINE (TOUCH Youth Services)
for youths between 12 and 19 yrs of age who are struggling, frustrated or depressed and badly in need of a listening ear.
1800 377 2252 (10am to 10pm DAILY)

Teenage Crisis Centre (Teen Challenge)
Drugs and substance abuse, gangsterism, runaways, school drop-outs, delinquents, crisis counselling
6346 9332
9am - 5pm (Mon to Fri)
9am - 1pm (Sat)

Tinkle Friend (Singapore Children's Society)
Primary school students, especially those who are left alone at home, who need someone to talk to or discuss problem with
1800 274 4788
9am to 11am; 2.30m to 4.30
Mon to Fri

National Council of Social Services - NCSS (here you can find a list of more helplines)

On the lighter side for those of you who know me, call me :)

2010-01-21T15:50:00.002+08:00

Just got back from the hospital. It is now confirmed beyond doubt that I have a nerve compression in my lumbar region resulting in the pain of my right leg. Damn it.. I was still hoping that the other doc misdiagnosed and that is was only a hempstring pulled.

Arhh well... like Dr Yue said, I can deny all I want. It still isn't hempstring and the pain still isn't gonna go away with rest. So, there we go again. Down memory lane with all the same medication and therapies.

I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sough the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. Psalm 77: 1-2

2010-01-20T12:05:00.003+08:00

I just got back from my first bible study in a long time. And I realised that God spoke to me through what was shared today. I asked God last night if I should give up on my 15 year old case as I find that she is closing in on herself again and not opening up to me. How can I help someone who does not want to talk to me? How do I gain her trust to share her thoughts with me? The only thing I managed to get out of her was that she wanted to try smoking when she gets out and that she enjoys beating up others. It worries me, as I can see that she will be landing herself back where she was a year ago.

Today, God told me to persever and hang on to her and now I have to ask God to grant me the strength and show me the way to help her.

Concrete Angels

2010-01-20T08:50:00.002+08:00

I did this post of abused children years ago, but whilst browsing through YouTube this morning, I stumbled upon another video of child abuse and could not help feeling the pain for them all over again. All this, whilst the image of a girl I work with flashed back to me. The image of pain, mistrust and loneliness with all the physical scars that will be with her for live.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoUVn6KLBQY&feature=response_watch

How often are these poor children abused by the very people whom they trusted? Where is justice for these poor children? Even sentencing the aggressor does not bring justice, because nothing can wipe away the emotional and sometime physical scars on these victims. No amount of counselling will ever bring back the innocence to any child who has suffered thus.

Victims of child abuse normally grow up feeling worthless and mistrusting of people. They may crave for attention yet cringe when you try to be close to them. These feelings are what I experienced from the children. They bottle up so much pain in them.

2010-01-19T09:59:00.005+08:00

Just because her eyes don't tear, doesn't mean her heart don't cry. And just because she comes off strong, it doesn't mean nothing is wrong.

Death may be the greatest of all human blessings

2010-01-18T19:07:00.003+08:00

Yes, at times its almost easier to die then to live in constant pain, easier to die then to live in the agony of wondering how much more you are going to spend on doctor visits, diagnostics, medications, hospitalisations, operations and who knows what else. And the scariest part is that it is even getting easier then to put on a smile and assure everyone around you that all is fine. It is getting real tiring and I sometimes wished that I could just close my eyes and sleep everything away into oblivion and open my eyes to a fresh new day where everything that had happened was just a bad dream.

I thought all was well after I had my cervical disectomy and replacement. I was jumping with joy that I was back in full swing within less then three months of the operation. But who would know that the same condition was to be diagnosed down the lumbar as well and within 6 months of the cervical operation? Am I cursed? I am at a lost for word and can only cry out to the Lord for His Grace upon me.

The body and mind are tired and wrecked but it is the heart that wants to carry on for obvious reasons and obligations. An obligation I made when I brought my two angels into this world. To love and nourish them till they are grown and independent.

This is so tiring and trying. Is this God's test for me? Is this my destination? When will it end?

The value of Wealth and Riches

2009-09-28T11:31:00.003+08:00

As Oscar Wilde said "Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you." I cannot help but agree with what he said. Whilst we cannot do without material riches, we cannot live life without enriching our souls.

In my childhood days, being brought up in a family where money was scarce, I have always envied those with the latest doll and story book collection. Those thing were never within my reach and I yearned for them. I would always think that if I could ever have them, I would be the richest, happiest girl on earth. Riches then, was to have those dolls and books.

As life move on to teenage years, my desires for riches changed. I wanted money for those beautiful clothes and Levi jeans that my friends had. I wanted to be able to spend a day shopping and going to the movies with friends. It was all about dollars and cents and I made a vow to myslef then to work very hard to achieve those goals. taking on extra jobs during the school holidays and starting work immediately after my 'O' levels were my way of achieving what I wanted.

During the course of pursuing what I wanted, I realised that knowledge and education was a very important key to the money I wanated. Without these, earnings would be meager and maybe just sufficient for basic survival. Hence, I set out to pursue education relentlessly on a part-time basis whilst I worked to make sure that enough was set aside for the futre family that I were to have one day.

Owning branded material and memberships to clubs and gyms also became a bench mark of my achievements and worth. My definition of wealth was still in terms of dollars and cents but with the addition of knowledge and education.

After years of working for money for the sake of material objects and social status, things took a change when I started my own family. Clubs, memberships and branding took a back seat. My family and children became the most important assets, whilst money is still important, it was for a very different reason now. The need for money was to provide well for the family and the children's education. It no longer serves as a bench mark of what we can acquire but what we can provide for the future generation.

Today, I measure wealth and riches with my family, my children's achievements, my knowledge and experience - an asset that no one can take away from me. I now pursue a different kind of wealth from when I was much younger. I pursue what is intangible - I seek to thank God for making me the richest woman on earth and I seek to be able to to pay it forward to society soon and help those in need. For without all these, my soul would be empty and poor.

Post Cervical Disectomy

2009-08-25T17:07:00.002+08:00

Its been a month after my operation and I am still in pain (a different pain from pre-op). My worst post operation pain came last nite. It was so bad, that the room was spinning around even when I try lying down in bed. Even now, I can feel the pain at the back of my head like thousands of needles jabbing at the same spot continuously.

I finally got Wendy her Angels Ray... Haha... This time there is no chance for her to reject it because we got Agnes to log in and scrolled in for her. This is the first time I get my Maple character to such a level and its all thanks to some very close friends. Maple should be played this way, with no pressure and no one trying to spoil the fun for you just because they themselves cannot get what they want. I feel sad that there are still so many who do it that way. Pushing their luck and expecting others to respect them when they themselves don't respect others.

Be it game or otherwise, I think we all need to give each other some respect and not take friends for granted. Be considerate for others before we spew what we wanna say and then expecting others to accept it and not be sensitive to what was said. Many a times, what we say could cause a tsunami at the other end of the line for others even if we don't intend it that way. Therefore, it is always good that we can think a little ahead and see if what we do or say will cause any one any distress or pain.

True Friend

2009-07-29T07:59:00.000+08:00

A friend in need is a friend indeed. Indeed I see these in my true friend, Wendy. Whilst alot of friends pay lip services, she has made me her responsibility whenever Vic is busy with work. In the midst of her own commitments and obligations, she offered to accompany me to the doctor to have my dressing changed yesterday morning after her bible study and even seeing me back home after that. She has even offered to come over and make lunch for me today. Friends like these are rare and hard to come by.

Although I must say that my dressing was wonderfully done by an experienced nurse at Raffles Medical Centre on Sunday, I can't say the same for yesterday's. It was terrible and painful. Firstly, I was very sure the nurse reeked of tobacco. At such close proximity, I could smell it in her clothes and perhaps even her hands. Secondly, she was really heavy handed. Her cleaning was harsh that I let out a small cry when she touched the very centre of the surgical site and told her to go easy on it. Then she stretched the waterproof dressing so tightly over the site that I felt like I was being strangled a few minutes later and the surrounding area was all red and sore when I got back home.

Wendy suggested that we went back to the clinic for a re-dressing but I decided not to. Instead, I went to the pharmacy, got some water proof dressing over the counter, came back home and re-did the dressing myself. I think I did a better job at that then that particular nurse at the clinic. I was also able to let the wound air a little before covering it up again.

My Anterior Cervical Disectomy and Reconstruction

2009-07-27T08:06:00.002+08:00

Today is the 4th day after my Cervical Disc replacement operation. Thanks to all the friends out there praying for me, I made it through uneventfully.

After being plagued by headaches, pain and weakness on the right side for the past 2 years or so, it is finally over. Three weeks ago, I was suddenly taken over by intense pain when I try to turn my head in either direction and was not able to function at all. It was then I decided, there is no more time to wait. I either do the surgery or live in pain and inability to carry out daily activites such as driving or reading.

We started an urgent wild goose hunt of doctors and surgeons renowned for carrying out similiar procedures, finally deciding that I was still more comfortable and confident with the doctors at SGH who have seen me for the condition since it was first discovered. A date was quickly set for three days later, the 23rd of July 2009. I was scared the hell out of my wits although I did not say so about it.

Millions of thoughts were running through my head. What if I don't make it through? What if I came out of it paralysed on the upper body? What if I suffered a stroke or heart attack on the operating table? What if...... so many other complications could arise.... But, I know I owe my husband and two beautiful daughters that much to go through it and come out of it well enough to fulfill my role and their friend, mother and wife.

On Thursday morning, both my girls decided to skip school so that they could accompany me for admission and see me into the operating theater. Then, I asked GOD to make sure that he laid HIS hands upon me and made sure that I came out of it safely. I asked that my daughters' and husband's hopes should not be shattered.

A few hours later, all was over and I spent the next 24 hours in a high dependency room for observation.

Right now, the only pain I feel is on the open wound and the occassional bleeding when I cough or sneeze.

The Day has come

2009-07-22T15:18:00.002+08:00

The day has finally come when I can no longer take the pain or the inconvenience that my condition has been causing me. I will be on the operating table tomorrow to have the affected disc removed and hopefully replaced with an artificial movable joint. This will depend on the surgeon after he has cut me open and decides that he has a good enough view to put in a movable joint. Otherwise, it will be ADCF or in other words fusion of C5 and C6 with an artificial non-movable joint.

I have been putting this option away for a long time because of the possible danger of further damage to the nerves and paralysis. However, it has reached the point where pain dictates my choice.

For the past three weeks, I have not been able to move around much. Even turning and lifting my head caused impeding pain. Worst of all, I have had to let Claire come home by bus from school on her own as I can't drive. It has being like I was imprisoned in my own home except for the visits to the hospitals and doctors.

Damned the phone that just rang. I will be the first little piggie on the operating table tomorrow morning. I thought I was mentally prepared for it, but I am now shaking with fear inside me.

Ohh well.... come what may tomorrow, I will leave my fate in YOUR hands, Lord. I may be in fear, but I know that YOU will not forsake me at this hour when I need YOU the most. I pray that you see me throught this operation smoothly and my soul to keep if it were to go wrong. Give me the courage and strength that I need to face this.

Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my GOD; save your servant who trusts in you. - Psalms 86:1-2

Thanks be to GOD for lifting me in my darkest, coldest moment

2009-06-02T12:03:00.005+08:00

Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to GOD the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ...

I testify to the Lord for what he has done for me. In my darkest hour, he sent WeiSheng to me. Don't get me wrong. WeiSheng sent me a 40 minutes sermon that God is searching for us, that we must put him back on the throne and set all things else before him. This enforces what I heard from Reinhart Bonke in GNS.

I have been putting all my worries about the maid and my exams above him, they have taken over his throne. I listened to the sermon again this morning and saw my mistakes. I decided then to dedicate some time to praying and searching for him instead of worrying. I sit him back on the throne and set my worries and myself on the altar for him.

HE answered my prayer, HE accepted my sufferings, HE set things right for me almost instantly.

I don't know how else to thank and praise HIM for his hand upon me. HE gave me the strength to Glorify him and lifted me up in my darkest, coldest moment.

A Prayer for Courage and Strength

2009-06-01T10:03:00.003+08:00

Lord, Please give me strength for this day so that I may glorify You. Forgive me for judging and lashing out in anger. Help me to see others as You see them. Help me to be loving and understanding at this time so that others may see You in me and be brought into Your flock. Give me courage to do what is right and to share Your word. Give us hope in this trial and send healing from above. Lord, you are my strength when I am weak.

All these I ask of the Lord in this time of despair and desparation. I am at my wits ends and crumbling to the ground. Lord, lift me back on my feet and light my way so that I may not stumble and fall again... I beg you Lord, Almighty God on High...

Cursed by Filipino Maid..

2009-05-31T12:42:00.002+08:00

Looks like I have finally found a replacement for Atun. Another girl from Indonesia and although she is here for only slightly more then a week. I can see that she has very good initiative and a very fast worker. Her work is done by mid-day leaving her a lot of time for rest.

But I am cursed... I am so worried that I may not be able to keep her. Cursed by the very existence of the Filipina, Erma. I have no idea why her work-permit cannot be cancelled and she cannot leave the country. And I tried to arrange for new employer for her, but she is so choosy that my agent say that she wanna throw her back to me and have nothing to do with her any more. Is this my curse? I am so stressed, I am finding it very hard to concentrate on my preparation for Tuesday's exam... Am I gonna be doomed? Urghhhhh....

GOD HELP MEEEE................

When will I be able to find a maid that I can trust again

2009-05-11T11:05:00.004+08:00

Since my old maid left mid last year after a ten year stint with my family, life has been almost like hell with maids that cannot be trusted.

It started with a girl from Myanmar who refused to stop using her hand phone. She would even hide in Bernice's toilet for more than an hour to make those calls. It is not that I don't allow the use of phones, but it is the endless calls and the length of time she spends on the phone that irks me. My last straw was when she left home for almost one full day without permission and remained uncontactable till she returned in the evening. She lasted 3 weeks.

Next came one from the Philippines who used my spare hand phone to make calls back to the Philippines and then deleting the call logs so that I may not know of the calls. Sadly for her, it was reflected in our monthly bill and she even went to the extent of denying making any calls from my handphone. But the number reflected in my phone bill proved to be her house number back home. She was then replaced by another Filipino whom I thought would be more trust worthy as she had more years of education and came from a Christian family. I was proven wrong.

Wanting to make life as pleasant and comfortable for a girl away from home, I gave her the permission to make use of my spare phone so that her family may contact her as and when without her having to bear any cost of incoming calls. To my disappointment, her boyfriend started calling which I again told her and myself that it is ok. Then again my trust got betrayed with her doing the same thing that the 1st Filipino did - deleting calls she made so that I will not know. And to make matter worse all the maids at the market knows my handphone number now.

My conculsion, all Filipinos cannot be trusted? I am going back to Indonesian girls. They are so much more willing to learn without an attitude and trust worthy. Filipinos on the other hand have always shown to me how proud they are and a smarter than thou attitude. It is not the cost of the calls made that matter, but the betrayal of trust I have in them. I am not one that controls the maid and not allowing her to have any outside contact at all. But I certainly value honesty.

7 seconds of staring into each others eyes

2009-05-01T11:44:00.004+08:00

Some months earlier within our Psychology class, our lecturer carried out a 7 seconds experiment with us. We were paired in twos and asked to stare tenderly into each others eyes. At the end of 7 seconds, we were asked if we felt any feelings of love (not necessarily amounting to romantic love) for the other person. Seriously, how can you when you were tickled by the idea of staring in a class?

That evening after class, Bernice and Leroy waited for me to come back together and whilst waiting for a cab, I told them about this same experiment which also set them off in laughter. However, Leroy put this experiment to use last night and got the results he wanted - my Bernice's agreement to be his girlfriend.

It sounded so original and charming when Bernice told me about the trouble he took to arrange for the flowers and ring to show up at just the right moment in Sentosa. Secretly, I am also so proud to know that my daughter is worth so much trouble to be gotten as a girl friend. Hmmm... imagine what the guy will have to do make her say 'yes' to marrying him next time?? Damn it, that makes my head swell with pride already.

So now, my Bernice officially has a boy friend.... hahaha... But although he is a nice boy and they have been friends for a while, they still have a long way to go to discover more about each other and what they want in life as they grow in their faith of GOD and maturity and in their love for each other. Or do they know what love is yet? Still, they will have to go through all these as parts and parcels of growing in order to learn.

From the Frying Pan into the Fire

2009-04-15T08:15:00.003+08:00

20th April will see my last LDM and Child Psychology class with a Practical exam on 2nd May and the submission of 2 more assignments. I thought I could have a break then before embarking on my next degree programme. However ysterday saw me signing up for my degree programme with Colorado State University and choosing to join the 28th April intake.... A case of jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Hopefully by the end of the grilling I will get my BSc double majors in Psychology and Counselling..

Witnessing and Experiecing the Miracles of GOD

2009-04-13T08:39:00.003+08:00

I was at Good News Singapore for the second and third nights, having missed the first night because of Good Friday. It was wonderful to be able to experience the power of GOD. Many lost souls were found and saved and many more who have wandered or back slided were called home. Many sick and wheel chair bound were healed and testified to the work of GOD.

I was there for the healing on both nights. Although I did not experience any healing on my first night there, I was touched by his power and could feel it course through me. I just could not control the tears that decided to fall during the salvation and healing prayers. I don't know why, but prayers have always touched and affected me in that way.

On my second night there, I was again touched by HIS power and this time I experienced healing myself. My right arm can now be lifted with minimal pain. Something that I was not able to do so for a number of months now. I could even remove my clothes in the shower without much difficulty and tears when I got home. Changing and showering used to be something I hated doing because of the pain that courses throught the arm and shoulder. At breakfast this morning, I could reach for my cup of coffee with my right hand and drink it with only my right hand holding the cup and feeling no shooting pain.

I know I will not wanna go for my operation as I do not wanna be paralysed, but I do believe that HE is the only one who can help me overcome this disease without having to go under the doctors scapel and take the risks.

Hoping for a Miracle

2009-04-01T08:29:00.008+08:00

How long more do I have before I reach the end stage of my bone disease? I want a miracle, I need a miracle. I am too young to just sit and stare into thin air and not be able to lift a single finger to do any thing for myself.

Our Media Corp artist Chew Chor Meng has a form of muscular atrophy that will cause him physical impairment. Like him, my condition cannot be reversed but will only worsen in the days to come.

Besides carrying with it a 5% chance of upper body paralysis, stroke and heart attack, any operation now will only relieve the symptoms temporarily and not stop or reverse the condition. I have been advised to look out for end stage sign where I will lose hand eye co-ordination and walk like a drunkard by which I will have to undergo an operation within 3 days or be totally paralysed.

At times, I wanna say sorry to my two girls that I have this condition and do not know how long more I can hug them in my arms and tell them I love them and drive them to and from school and work. I want to be there to dress them up on their wedding day and see Daddy walk them down the aisle. I want to be there when their first child is born.

I also wonder if I should continue with my child psychology degree. I need a Masters to get back into the work force. But do I have that amount of time or will be paralysed by the time I complete my Masters? I would have wasted all the money for nothing and when that time comes, I believe that money will be very much needed and waste it on a degree now if I will not be able to practise it.

The Kite that Bernice and Leroy Built

2009-03-26T18:07:00.002+08:00

It is such a beautiful kite. It is now lying in Bernice's room and I cannot help admiring what these kids put into the kite... The originality and the thoughts... It is definately a success and I hope that these children will grow up as successfully as their piece of work.

Sunway Lagoon with three beautiful hot babes

2009-03-20T11:39:00.003+08:00

Don't we all have trouble waking up early in the morning be it for school or work? But fancy this, every one was up by 5.30 in the morning with no complains, especially Claire who usually takes half an hour to get up for school. Bernice's friend Mandy joined us for this break as Vic was not able to take time off from work and we did not want to waste a ticket.

It was a wonderful break for everyone and the greatest joy of it all for me was to see the girls having so much fun.

There were a lot of first times for the three girls at Sunway. First time that Bernice and Claire had a friend to join them on a family trip; first time that Claire refused to take a roller coaster at the park; first time that Bernice and Mandy wore a bikini; first time that they went to all the water activities without company from me or Vic; first time that Bernice actually took a roller coaster; first time that Bernice and Mandy went to a club (MOS) with my company of course; first time that Claire went on a water slide alone....

A trip to look forward to?

2009-03-13T08:01:00.003+08:00

Just managed to wrap things up and finally confirm the long awaited trip to Sunway Lagoon. We should be leaving early Tuesday morning. Bernice's friend Mandy will be coming along with us as there is an extra ticket cos Vic cannot make it again. Haiss.... He is always unable to plan his schedule in advance, I really don't know when we will be able to find another chance to go for a trip as a family. Come to think of it, the last time we managed to make it out together as a family was about 4 years ago to Bangkok and Kanchanburi. Since then, it has always been me bringing the kids and Mummy out alone.

So what does it look like now? I will have to take care of the girls and Mummy again? Hmmm... Maybe this time Mummy can look after Claire in the night and I can sneak off to the club with the older girls? Hehehe....

Its been a long while sinced I last managed to go for a trip with the girls and spend time with them. Now, I have to make sure I spend whatever time I can with them, so that I will not have any regrets later. They are growing up so fast, I sometimes wished that I could hold them back to be babies forever. Then again, I do love and enjoy every little thing they do now as teenagers and they will forever be my babies no matter how old they are.

Looking at an Old Story In a Different Light

2009-03-12T10:14:00.003+08:00

I was walking around in a Budget store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don ' t have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to an old woman next to him: "Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?"

The old lady replied: "You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear."

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I told him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad when he said this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister."

My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told Daddy to tell Mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing.

He then told me "I want Mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my Mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me, but Daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!"

"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that Mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my Mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My Mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself and I bought a bunch of white roses and went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was for people to see and pay their last respects before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever by two things... The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And how in a fraction of a second, a drunken driver had taken all this away from him.

I received this in an email this morning and although I have read this story before, it now hits me in a very different light. Previously, I thought only about how unresponsible drunken drivers were. Now, I look at it very differently; I look at how precious life is and how important it is to spend whatever time you have with your loved ones and treasure their existence whilst you can. You never know when fate is going to deal you a heavy hand. If I should ever be in that Mommy's position living life in a comatose state depending on a life-sustaining machine, then I will want my family to pull the plug on me and let me go with dignity. Sustaining life on machine is not cheap and there is no need to prolong the pain of those who survive you or oneself.

I also look at it that the boy's prayers to GOD has been answered. He asked that he had enough money to buy his sister the doll and GOD answered his prayer by sending the woman shopper to be there when he was trying to buy the doll. GOD works his miracles in many ways and very often we do not see it happening. HE answers our unsaid prayers. HE knows what we need and what we want.

Pain and Laughter do mix

2009-03-10T07:32:00.003+08:00

Yesterday started out with sending Claire to school as usual and then I was off to SGH for my medical appointment. Some thing which I dread doing nowadays. There is the long wait for consultation and then again for medication. Medication that may result in various side effects and depression. However, I know I will not go into depression - I have too many things to keep me occupied. The worst being the medication is now almost good for nothing.

The doctors and mself have exhausted all the available medication and alternatives for pain including NSAIDS nerve blockers and steriods; various forms of physiotherapy and traction. Nothing stops the pain anymore. Pain is something I live with every day and night now and it is rapidly intensifying and moving down from just my neck and shoulder region to my lower arm and fingers.

The doctor is now handing me my last available choice - an operation to be confirmed with a new MRI on Saturday. This is a choice which I do not wish to consider. It comes with a 5% chance of upper body paralysis. Why would I want to take the risk? I am still too young to be paralysed on the upper body. Even lower body paraylsis seems a better choice. I will at least still be able to wheel myself around and do things with my hands. Without the use on my arms; I will not even be able to take care of my own basic needs such as eating or washing.... I still want to be able to dress my gals up on their wedding day. They still need me to be able to hug them and drive them to school, church and work. I still want to bake them their favourit cakes and most of all I still want to be able to do my Degree in Psychology and Counselling.

With so much more to do, there really isn't time to be paraylsed in any way at all.

Enough of emo-ing; time for something on the lighter side.

Last night, Bernice went to wait for me together with Leroy. It was really nice. I may have met Leroy before during their Chinese New Year visitation, but last night was the first time I get to talk to him. Bernice and Claire have mentioned him at home a number of times but nothing beats seeing for oneself. He is a nice kid; intelligent, witty and carries himself rather well.

They have gone to buy things for making a kite together after Bernice finished work. Making a kite of your own to fly; its kinda romantic, isn't it? (Better not say any more. Later Bernice read how? Hahaha....)

I am glad that Bernice and Claire are surrounded by really nice people. Teenagers are so susceptible to peer influence and knowing that they are aound nice people lessen my fear of them being negatively influenced.

May GOD bless and guide all these children to grow in his image and grant them strength and courage to walk away from adverse influences and evil of mankind.

Tempering of Tainted Oysters

2009-02-28T08:53:00.004+08:00

I have just read an article from our local papers about a company who was fined $10,000 for tempering with some tainted oyster meat they imported.

Some time ago the company had imported some 2000 over cartons of oyster meat from China, which our AVA found to be contaminated with norovirus. The consignment was then sealed by the AVA and told the company not to do anything about it. Six months later, the company asked the AVA to allow them to dispose of the consignment. Upon opening for pre-disposal inspection of the consignment by the AVA, it was found that half the consigment had been tempered with and the oyster meat replaced with fish meat and repacked.

I am glad that the AVA is vigilant about the quality of the food that is being imported for our consumption but at the same time quite disappointed and concerned that some thing like that could happen. Not once but maybe twice (this company had a previous conviction).

My concerns are: Why weren't these consignments impounded? Why was the company allowed access to the consignment? Who can guarantee that the company allowed access do not temper with or bring the contaminated product to the consumers market? Pre-disposal checks seem to be a little too late and punishment will not assure that our people have not consumed the contaminated products. We do not need a situation similiar to China's Melamine poisioning to happen in Singapore and I am very sure that our government and its body will not allow it to happen.

Sad, Disappointed and almost Heart Broken

2009-02-26T15:41:00.005+08:00

Today, I went to a home/school for the mentally challenged to help out with the Day Care Section. Only a group of about eleven were there today as the rest had gone on a scheduled outing. It is nice that they have scheduled outing for all the groups every week, but I was quite disturbed that nothing was really done for the non-verbal and very low functioning group besides providing them with a place to be till their family knock off work.

I was quite shocked that the low functioning ones walked around, sat around or stare into thin air. There was practically nothing for them to do. The staff mentioned that they do interact with them, but what kind of interaction are we talking about? Bringing them to the toilet? Feeding them? Why aren't they being given simple tasks to perform to whilst away their time? Even the high functioning lots where doing repeative stringing of beads, sorting of beads, colouring and chatting with their supervisors/volunteers. There wasn't enough for them to do at all. I suggested to their supervisor that I will do some reading and PECs with them if possible, but they don't have the books. So I gather that I will have to bring my own materials the next time I go in there.

When I was doing my attachment in St Claire's, the low functioning ones were taught live skills, such as ironing, folding, sweeping, wiping of tables, cutting and pasting of postage stamps, drawing of line, etc. These skills can then be put to use when the centre sourced for jobs for them. PECs and sign language were taught and practiced with the non-verbal ones and their group of their lowest functioning seem to fair very well compared to where I went to this morning. I am heart broken for them.

The high functioning ones at St Claire's could even read and do simple maths. I was really amused then to learnt that they even know the names of the seven continents and oceans and able to point them out on the map.

What I saw today is really a whole world of difference and heart wrenching.

Going Down Memory Lane

2009-02-16T13:14:00.004+08:00

I was reading Bernice's blog when I came upon her post about how she had poured her lingyang into the toilet bowl and all I did was laugh. Those were the memories that were all so sweet and fresh. It seemed just like yesterday that it had happened and not more about 12 years or so ago. Alas, she grew in the blink of an eye without my permission.

How I miss the days when she was two and ever clinging on to me and when she first went to school and said that she did not want to learn the Chinese Language because she wasn't Chinese, or even the times when she will plonk herself onto her uncle's bed with her bottle of milk like it was her rightful place, or recently when she got Claire to finish her bowl of soup for her and told me that it was a win-win situation as Claire liked the soup better than she did.

Blinking an eye makes time moved forward by 16 years. Another blink and she will be all grown up and flying the nest to start a life of her own. (Hmm... must make sure that only a prince is worthy of my princess.) I don't want that day to come if I can help it but I know that I have to let go like my parents let go of me when the day came.

For now, I am just so happy and proud that my little girl is turning out to be a beautiful fine young lady and the pride keeps on glowing as I see her growing each day and achieving new goals in her life.

My Disappointment

2009-02-10T12:29:00.002+08:00

Education and hard work - the only two keys out of poverty and into a better life.

Its so disappointing to see some people drop out of school after you have spend so much effort talking to them and then getting them back into school, only to see them drop out again and again. How do you make others see the importance of education and hard work? Different people have different set of morals and values, but education and hard work is universal.

For without these two keys, how is one gonna open the door where the stairs to a better future is behind?

Greatest gifts from GOD

2009-02-10T11:55:00.003+08:00

Two of the greatest gifts I received from GOD - my two beautiful girls.

Claire is now so deligent and responsible for her own actions. It is such a joy to see her coming home from school, completing her homework and then revising her studies without having to be told to. This is so different from what she was just a few months ago; when you would have to nag her to study for her PSLE and she would still be sitting in front of the television.

Its barely 2 months into the new school and she is picked to be MC for the school's Speech Day. She was so overcome with joy when she told me about it last Friday. It sure looks like she is gonna be MC-ing for every school event for another 4 years.... Urghhhh..... (hahaha but so damn proud of her achievement)

Bernice has been posted to NgeeAnn Poly to do Mass Comms; her first choice and next step towards her dream of becoming a journalist/writer. Her first step being a part of the IN-Crowd. She has had a number of articles published in the IN papers for teenagers and yesterday, her first article was printed in the main Straits Times Papers under the Youthink section.

Reading these articles just bring so much pride and joy, I wanna scream out to the whole world that this writer is a little girl that grew up too soon without my permission; a girl who was so shy and quiet that I had to send her to Speech and Drama School to help her overcome her shyness. Now, she is a young lady with confidence and poise.

So those are my two pride and joy... what more can I ask the good Lord for?

2009-02-04T08:56:00.002+08:00

This story was sent to me by a friend and it could not have come at a better time then this. I thought it was really a good piece of story. The greatest gifts happen when we share our love and touch others, so let me sharing this with you.

How often have we forgotten that there are better things in store for us when we worry about holding on to something that is cheap and worthless like the little girl in this story?

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

'Oh Mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl'supturned face.

'A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.'

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.

On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story.

One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, 'Do you love me?'

'Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls.'

'Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the whitehorse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite.'

'That's okay, Honey, Daddy loves you. Good night.'

And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again,

'Do you love me?'

'Daddy, you know I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls.'

'Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.'

'That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.'

And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on herbed with her legs crossed Indian style.

As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silenttear rolled down her cheek.

'What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?'

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, 'Here, daddy; this is for you.'

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out withone hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up thedime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

This was sent to me by a friend and I thought it was really a good piece of story. How often have we forgotten that there are better things in store for us when we worry about holding on to something that isn't worth it.
The greatest gifts happen when you share love and touch others!

Raising Resilient Teens

2009-01-21T14:27:00.002+08:00

Through my experience of working with children and teenagers, I have come across many instances of angry, frustrated and lost teenagers as well as parents. Lets not forget that not too long ago, we were once in their shoes - being teenager ourselves once upon a time. We have experienced and felt what they are going through now. On the other hand, our teenagers are not yet able to put themselves in our shoes and understand our concerns and frustration if we do not attempt to bring ourselves down to their level and communicate with them. We cannot expect them to bring themselves up to our level, for they do not know how to yet.

As parents we cannot shackle ourselves to our teenager and oversee every decision he/she makes throughout his/her adolescence – and we wouldn’t want to. We want our teenagers to know when and how to protect themselves against negative peer pressure, teen drug use, bad grades in school, etc. We want them to learn how to grab their own boot straps and pick themselves up. This is called teaching resiliency.

The five top factors contributing to resilient teens are:

1. A strong relationship with a parent or caring adult who takes a parenting role in the teen’s life. Teens need a foundation. They need someone that is there for them with guidance and love.

2. Mastering a skill and feeling the complete success of that mastery. A sense of accomplishment will make your teen feel capable. Once he has experienced this feeling, he’ll want it again.

3. Good communication and social skills are fundamentals to resiliency. Teens need to ask for what they need and explain the whys without acting like they are going into battle. For this reason alone parents should learn not to buy into power struggle.

4. Problem solving skills contribute more than we think. Teaching your teen to make choices is a stepping stone to confidence in himself when problems arise. Therefore, he’ll be more able to think through the problem and find all of the choices he has to help solve it.

5. A supportive environment at school and in the community. It is always easier to work on a problem if you know there is help down the road should you need it. Communities and schools that provide that for a teen are showing him the way to solving problems for himself.

These factors contribute to helping your teenager become a resilient person. As with all things when it comes to children, it doesn’t happen overnight. Stay the course – it’s worth the wait.

When Blessings are Disguised

2008-12-30T14:07:00.003+08:00

The last month has not been very smooth sailing, starting with when PSLE results were released, and the selection and posting of secondary school. We chose Pierce Secondary School as Claire wanted to be able to study Drama as an O level examination subject and Pierce Sec was the nearest to where we are offering that. Needless to say, her choice was granted.

However, just before the posting results were released, we were notified by the Speech and Drama Centre that they will be working with Trinity College to examine and grade the students from 2009 according to their practical and theory knowledge. This simply meant that there is no need for Claire to travel to Bishan everyday for school anymore. She can now take her Speech and Drama exams from Trinity College which will be recognised.

Hence when we were informed of the secondary school posting, we started our appeal to various schools in the vacinity. I prayed hard that she will be allocated a school that offers Drama as a CCA. Earlier this morning, I recieved a call from a school about her allocation and was simply delighted to know that it was a school that offered Drama as a CCA. My prayers have been answered. I couldn't be happier than I am now.

2008-11-13T09:01:00.002+08:00

A video created and editted by two adorable little girls. They may not be the best musicians or film directors as yet, but they are definately the best of friends. May their friendship grow together with them as they both move on to secondary school next year.

A PLEA FOR HELP

2008-10-30T18:21:00.002+08:00

Today I will use this space to call upon all readers to help a child in need.

A 12 year old girl Xia YuLin has developed complications after a bone marrow transplant and is now very sick. She needs a daily transfusion of A+ blood platelets.

I believe alot of you may have received sms messages with a similiar context circulated to you from some friends or friends of friends.. Please do not ignore it as a faux. I can testify to that as I have called the given number and spoken to the girl's mum last night.

If you are able to help, please come forward. All you need to do is drop by NUH where she is warded and tell them the donation is for Xia YuLin.

Readers of my Class Blog will find a similiar plea there... Forgive me for being long winded...

Of Cinders and Ashes in Life

2008-10-27T22:17:00.007+08:00

I have been thinking about how circumstances can mould people and change them. We may all have seen phoenixes rising out of ashes in full radiance and glamour. Yet we have also seen those who won't lift a finger to help themselves climb out of the cinders.

Perhaps they are waiting for their maid servants to clear away the debri or their Fairy God-Mother to come to the resuce? Yet, when the debri is cleared, instead of walking out, they will choose to sit, enjoy the cleaniness and let the debris accumulates again. Thereafter, repeating the ritual of complaining and whinning. How sad and disappointing this is. It breaks my heart to see people who don't treasure what they have and whine about what they don't have. Instead of counting their blessings, they choose to see only what they desire and is out of their reach. Which isn't a bad thing if it is seen as a force to propel one to work harder, achieve greater heights and become a better person. However, it is really sad when all they do is whine and wait for things to drop from the skies.

It hurts when you try to provide help in an indirect way and it gets snub upon as not being helpful at all or that it isn't what they want. I know what they want. I know that alot of times, all they want is instant gratification and not having to work for it. I also know that by providing instant gratification to those needs ain't gonna help them grow up into responsible adults. They need to know that in this world, nothing comes for free and we all need to work for what we want.

Nevertheless, no matter how painful this is gonna get, I guess I will help them grow, rather then to pave the way with roses. I do not need to be appreciated. For as long as God knows my intent and good comes out of it, I am happy.

On the other hand, I must say that I may be seeing a Phoenix rising out of the ashes right in front of my eyes right now and I wish her all the best for the courage she possesses even though she has probably been through a deeper cinder pile that most girls her age. If she sticks to what she is doing right now and persevere to change, I am sure she will come out clean and scale great heights. But, things ain't gonna be easy and I pray that her perseverance to be a better person will continue regardless of how hard things will get in the near future. For if she is to over come this obstacle, her life will surely be filled with alot of wonderful things.

I ain't no saint or God and I have once mistaken this phoenix for a jinx and I am sorry about it. Now, seeing her in her struggle against all odds, I want her to succeed. I am sure she will be a success story of her own when the time comes.

Exams Over for Now

2008-10-23T18:49:00.009+08:00

Phewww... its finally over for now till Dec...

Now I can have some time to fill in those juicy information I have been dying to do so for the past two weeks about the Halloween Cocktail Express at the Night Safari. It was really worth every cent of the S$50 per pax.

It was a Friday night and we went after Bernice's graduation ceremony. Upon arrival, we were greeted by warlocks, dim lighting, jack-o-lanterns, skeletons and shrunken heads hanging all over the place. It was spooky, but far from scary, or so we thought.

We gathered at the meeting point near Bongos, where we were ushered by a witch-doctor into the zoo for our Halloween Express Ride.... Along the way, there was a push-cart pow seller, peddling her dim-sum. Unsuspecting visitors who approached for a closer look were soon screaming in shock - for out of the pow steamer, a ghastly looking girl popped her head out and her hand reach out for you.. The rest of the way was quite uneventful with the butcher, witches, killer clowns and more vampires mingling with the crowd.

As we reached the tram station, we were all pleasantly surprised to see how eleborately decked out the trams were, with Jack and Sally in their wedding garb at the front of every tram and curtains, skulls and flickering candle light to complete the feel of spookiness... Our guide was non-other than Count Dracula himself.

As we took our seats, we were served by a ghostly looking waitress with scars on her face and cobwebs on her eye.. Our cocktails had bloody eyeballs in them too.. As the tram moved off, Count Dracula led the tour in a creepy voice punctuating every sentence with eerie laughter.

The first part of the ride was rather uneventful except for some tombstones and mannequins dressed in red hanging from the trees, some with spokes going through their body. Claire was getting restless and complaining that it was boring. The only fun we had on this first half of the journey was ME giving Bernice a little expected brush of the legs unsuspectingly under the table which made her scream in shock as she was really being suspended by the Count's taunts of lurking spirits and crocodiles.... and that must have been some entertainment for the waitress who must be bored with the mundane task of standing around throughout the journey.

Leaving the East Lodge on the 2nd half of the journey, we saw wandering spirits dressed in ghostly garbs kinda walking aimlessly and some that appear suddenly. One even tried to sit himself next to Bernice and got her shrieking her lungs out.. The forest was transformed into the Punishment Halls of Hell, for the like of those who skinned, abandoned, abused and tortured animals. I must say that the actors were very good indeed. Or are they actors at all....???? The ride was remarkable at this point.

When the ride ended, we went into the Forest Giant Trials and along the way, they were more creepy mannequins in all kinds of scarry poses. Our first scare was the Chinese Mythical Policeman of Hell with his long tongue hanging out of his mouth and laughing at you as you approached unsuspectingly.. Then on the suspension bridge there was the famous JiangSi or zombie... Which was reallyyyyyy nerve wrecking and he decided to follow Claire and Bernice as they were the most scared ones then.. Imagine how fast they ran across the bridge..., only to have the forest jump out at them in the dark... They were 2 very well camouflaged dead soldiers... After that, it was really difficult for us to carry on deeper into the forest as we were not accompanied by any guys and I was getting freaked out myself... So we made a U-turn back for the entrance and called it a night.

At the end of it all, we were hoarse with all the screaming and shrieking... It must have been one of our best outing ever. Worth every single cent spent and every mosquito bite acquired...

I am Hyperventilating

2008-10-20T13:41:00.003+08:00

Help........ Exam is a few hours away and I am hyperventilating.... I need a bag over my head....

I literally eat, drink, sleep psychology for the past week. Even had the strangest dream last night where I urgently needed to go to the toilet telling myslef that I will bookmark my Psychology video when I get back. Only that when I got back into bed from the toilet, I was thinking "Shyt, I never bookmark before I went to the toilet. Now..., how am I gonna retrieve that video tomorrow morning?" Only to realise that a moment later that I have mixed reality with my dream. That was 4.40am when I checked the clock...

Am I going Psycho....??? Haha... How am I gonna pursue and complete my degree in Psychology if I cannot sail through this?

Something for Laughs

2008-10-17T16:41:00.002+08:00

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan 's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a Whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.

A Surefire Recipe for Successful Parenting ??

2008-10-16T17:07:00.004+08:00

All parents want to raise a happy, successful child, but there is little agreement about how best to reach this goal. Over the years, parents have tried dramatically different recipes. They have put their baby on a schedule, or they have fed on demand; they have let their baby cry herself to sleep, or they have picked her up as soon as she cried; they have stayed home with their child, or they have entrusted her to day care and gone to work; they have taught their baby letters and numbers, or they have left her mind a clean slate for her teachers to write on; they have given their child whatever she wants, or they have made her earn what she gets; they have made their child do chores, or they have asked little of her around the house; they have demanded good grades, or they have let their child find her own level in school.

These contrasting parenting strategies arise from quite different views of the nature of children and childhood and the roles of parents. Some parents view their child as naturally social and their job as allowing her the space to thrive, while others think that their child is by nature out of control. Some parents are convinced that their child is morally innocent, while others believe she is wily and manipulative. Some parents see their child as inclined to be dependent and needing help to leave the nest, while others are convinced their child needs constant attention and guidance.

Whether we are the parent of a newborn or an adolescent, the parent of one child or five we may worry about making the correct response to our child when she cries, makes demands, is frightened, wants constant cuddling and other attention, or won't do what is good for her (for example, she refuses to eat her vegetables, go to sleep, do her homework, or come in at curfew).

As parents, we have lived and struggled with these same fundamental issues. The discoveries we made in the course of decades of researching the subject of the true nature of the child, as well as the question of the necessary ingredients for a child's healthy emotional development, have given us a new understanding of children and childhood, which, in turn, led us to create guidelines that all parents can use to parent lovingly but knowledgeably and effectively. Hence the term smart love.

We must lay out the basic principles of the smart love approach to parenting--for example, that it is important to see the world and, especially, yourself, through your child's eyes; that sometimes it is best to accept your child's emotional immaturity, even when it is played out in behaviors like cheating at games or not wanting to share toys; that parents are not stuck with a choice between soft permissiveness and hard discipline because smart love makes possible an effective middle ground, called loving regulation; that children who are treated harshly come not only to expect unhappiness but to want it; that you cannot spoil your child with positive attention and, in fact, that lots of loving attention will make your child independent, not dependent; that quantity time is as important as quality time; that tantrums, nightmares, night terrors, habitual sibling quarrels, and many other conspicuous displays of childhood unhappiness are not inevitable; and that the best parenting involves using your head while trusting your heart.

However, we should not forget the developmental milestones from infancy through adolescence so that you will know for sure what type of behaviors are appropriate at what age. When our child's behavior needs regulation, it is less important to wonder "How do I get Jill to behave herself right now?" than to ask ourselves, "How can I help Jill develop into an adult who will want to, and be able to, take good care of herself and be caring toward others when I am not around?"

Back to the question Socrates asked almost twenty-five hundred years ago, "Can virtue be taught, and if so, how?" All parents face the question of the best way to help their child acquire a reliable capacity for self-regulation. What history has taught us is that we cannot rely on the four most common methods of trying to teach children self-discipline--moral instruction, disciplinary measures, permissiveness, and rewards. regulation is a means of protecting children from the consequences of their immaturity while at the same time offering them your ongoing love and admiration. When we help our child make constructive choices in a context of an ongoing close relationship, our child will come to recognize that the deepest happiness results from loving and feeling lovable and loved rather than from satisfying particular desires or achieving specific goals. Our child will learn to govern herself better through the desire to feel happier and more competent than she ever would from fear of negative consequences.

Maturational Theory

2008-10-07T16:50:00.003+08:00

Giving Charles Darwin theory on evolution "Survival of the Fittest" an interesting twist..

Creepy freaksssssss.... Don't let them come near me.......

Surprise Bdae Party for Bernice

2008-09-26T21:10:00.003+08:00

Its been a wonderful week starting from last Saturday (20/09/08). I planned a surprise birthday party for her together with some of her friends from SDA and it was really wonderful. She was nearly moved to tears and I am really glad that I was able to have made it special for her. Afterall 16 is milestone isn't it.

Then Joel and Kaylin asked if I could also help them with another surprise party for Bernice meant to be organised by the Cell Group on Friday (26/09). How could I resist :). I opened the tuition centre for them to use and they went over to kidnap Bernice from our home. Hahaha... literally blindfolded and kidnapped all the way here.

As I write this blog in the room, I can hear them playing games and having fun outside...

However whilst we rejoice, lets not forget to give praise to the Lord for letting this happen for the love and laughter in our lives and also spare some time to pray for those who are not as fortunate as ourselves.

China Milk Scare

2008-09-22T13:17:00.003+08:00

Hottest in the headlines lately is the issue of milk product from China. The number of Chinese babies and children who have suffered and died as a result of consuming melamine-tainted milk Made in China. How many more innocent lives need to be sacrificed in and out of China before the Chinese government do something about its Quality Control on food and non-food producuce from its home country.

These victims are often the lesser well to do and thus dependent on the cheaper home made brands but they deserve as much as any one else to have quality and safe milk for their children. Shouldn't the Chinese government protect these innocent people? Punish the profiteers. Close their factories, jail them, make them pay as a deterant to others who may be toying with similiar ideas of profiteering.

Not very long ago, there was the Mattel toy recall of its toys made in China, then came the canned food that apparently contained cats' intestines from China, the Slim-10 episode, and so many more if we look closely at news relating to products from China.

As a consumer, I have often chosen not to buy any Made In China produce. I treasure my life and the lifes of people dear to me more than those few extra cents that I have to fork out for made in anywhere else food items. I used to shun item Made in Malaysia, cos of some grade difference but I now rather buy those than the Made in China ones. At least I know I will not be poisoned by Malaysia.

How unscrupulous Chinese merchants and businessmen can be in order to make that few extra bucks? Or is it the nature of Chinese to fight for one's own survival without considering about the well being of other human kinds.

It really makes me ashamed to be of the same skin colour and be known as chinese. It irks me when non-chinese friends refer to them as my type. I am a Singaporean of Chinese origin not Chinese National. A true blue Singaporean, born and bred in Singapore and really proud that our Singapore government and its health authorities have always been on the alert, warning and protecting us from such products..

2008-09-17T08:19:00.003+08:00

What works best? Positive reinforcement, Negtive reinforcement, Positive punishment or Negtive punishment? Do we learn by conditioning, association or by consequences?

Do you reward someone for having done the right thing, remove his privileges for doing wrong, threaten to remove his privileges if they don't follow the right path or not giving in and removing all privileges when they have done wrong? Which is the best approach?

Positive reinforcement is of course the easiest when someone does something right. However, how do you discourage a person from doing something wrong? By association? If they can see that by not doing the right thing results in a negative stimuli, then that is fine. They will not do it. If they don't realise it, I think even threatening to or removing privileges will not lead them to see their mistakes.

The hardest to apply is Positive and Negative punishment. How do we make people see their mistakes and resulting negative stimuli? Very often, they will choose to see it that the world is being unfair to them and choose to carry on doing it to spite you or the world. By the time they realise that they were wrong, it is often late and damages would have been done.

How often have we all fallen because we have failed to consider the consequences following our actions only to realise our mistakes when its too late. Learning by consequences can be easily applied to babies, children and animals, but when applied to adults, often the consequences are harsh reality that sets us back for some time.

Theory is often so simple, but applying it to our daily lives is a totally different story. I personally find that I am applying all the theories at all times to different situations in life.

Shocked

2008-09-14T15:59:00.005+08:00

Shock No 1
I was shocked beyond words yesterday morning by my neighbour's maid. Whilst preparing to leave the house for church with Bernice, I heard my neighbour's maid shouting to the children. Which is quite ok, except for the fact that what I heard at the end of it was 'fcuk you'.

The kid at the receiving end was a 6yr old boy and the other kids were about 5 and a baby under a year old. I wondered if I heard wrongly but Bernice confirmed otherwise.

Shock No2
My maid used my handphone to call Philpines without my knowledge and permission. Zzzzz.... And she was real smart to even delete the call logs of those calls she made... Only thing she did not know was that unlike most phones back home, I don't use prepaid card and I have a bill that reflect all my overseas calls.. Otherwise, I will never have know about the calls.. Imagine the shock and betrayal I felt... How to trust any one at all...?

Our Environment Moulds Us

2008-09-09T18:40:00.004+08:00

Just attended a few lessons in this module and it really makes you think how environment and external factors can make or destroy a person. How we can choose to mould one and make him or her into what we want them to be. Of course this doesn't happen in a matter of weeks or months. It takes years and its best when starting from childhood.

Look around us, and we will find that it holds nothing but the truth. Children are moulded from young by their family and care-givers. Teens and tweens are often affected by their friends and environment. Even adults are prone to be affected by external factors that affect their actions and thoughts.

Often, alot depends on how we were brought up as kids and how much attachment we have had with our family. A close, warm and open family will bring out the best in children who will grow up to be confident teens with no identity crisis and ultimately a successful adult life.

On the other hand, most children who grew up in abusive or broken families, or without proper care and love from their parent grow up uncertain and unsure of themselves and usually have identity crisis starting from their tween years.

These teens or young adults resort to gangs, drugs, alcholism, theft, etc for identity, acceptance and achievements. Do they really achieve? Do they really find themselves? Are they really accepted?

I think I better wrap this up with a silent prayer for these lost souls or it will never end. I will pray that they will see the straight and narrow path to righteousness and be able to walk along it. And for the LORD to help parents and their young to bond so that they may be able to guide them on the narrow path.

2008-09-04T21:14:00.002+08:00

Heres something very encouraging to read when you are feeling down. Knowing that HE is always there for you when you need HIM. I have recently asked myself this - GOD where are you now when I am in pain and need YOU? By allowing myself to drown in my own misery, I have forgotten that HE has always been there with me.

I pray that this will bless you as it blessed me.

Hello God,
I called tonight to talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen to my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it through a day just on my own..
I need your love to guide me, so I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep my family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face each hour throughout the day.
And not to worry over things I can't change in any way.
I thank you God for being home and listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice when I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one that answers every time.
I never get a busy signal, Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!

Betrayal, Hurt and Insensitivity

2008-08-28T02:11:00.003+08:00

Awaken by the same sounds that have been keeping me awake countless nights only to have some thoughts passing through my mind.

Thoughts about how insensitive some people can be. Have they not considered how their actions or reactions will affect or hurt others around them? Are they being self-centered or is the victim too sensitive and gullible. Which leads me to ponder about how these victims are so gullible and willingly swayed again and again only to be hurt and betrayed over and over again.

Alot of incidences have been happening around me that brings this to mind. And I won't deny that I may have been such a victim or perpetrator at some point of time or other. In fact many of us have been in either of these situations before.

And I wonder why do we not learn from our mistakes and walk away when we see a trap. Many a times, we know and see the traps there, but insist on walking straight on into it only to be hurt by the fall and entrapment.

2008-08-26T18:59:00.003+08:00

I wrote your name on the sand
but the tide washed it away
I wrote your name on my hand
but the next day I washed it away
I wrote your name on a piece of paper
but I threw it away accidentally
I wrote your name in my heart and
there it will stay forever
Regardless of what you do or where you are

Yes. Life has its challenges, it ups and downs like a roller coaster. All of us are riding on this roller coaster and bracing ourselves for the next bend or fall after a rise. We all have to face it that after a high, there is always a low and after the low there is always the climb back to the top. But regardless of how often I tell myself this, it still comes back to square one. When you are at the bottom, the top seems impossible to reach...

Michael Phelps is ADHD??

2008-08-25T12:25:00.003+08:00

I received this in an email a few days ago and since I have nothing to blog for now, let me share this with all you out there. I found it throughly entertaining though, be it real or otherwise ^^.

What do ADHD, Michael Phelps and 11 Olympic Gold medals have in common? ...

Hyperfocus. Michael Phelps, Olympic swimmer, diagnosed with ADHD when he was 9, has just won his 7th Gold Medal in 7 races. Hyperfocus (a trait of ADD & ADHD) is probably the reason Michael Phelps is so unstoppable.

Single-Minded "Other-Worldly" Concentration - Otherwise Known as Hyperfocus

While many are baffled and in awe by Michael Phelps' laser-like focus and single minded determination to win, win, win - those of us who know the qualities of ADD & ADHD understand the source his "other-worldly" concentration all too well - hyperfocus.

So many things can enter an Olympic swimmer's mind to throw them off their stroke - little things - let alone the awareness that the President of the United States is right there watching you, or that yo u could be about to win the the most gold medals in a row ever, or that your goggles fell off (that's right, Michael won one of his Gold medals blind, because his goggles filled with water halfway into the 200 butterfly).

While extraordinary, Michael Phelps' super-human ability to focus during an event is actually thanks to his inability to focus as a child. That's one of the gifts of ADHD - the ability to trigger laser-like focus in an instant and hold that focus to accomplish the most amazing things and crush even the toughest problems.

How to Trigger Hyperfocus

The question arises "How do you cultivate this hyperfocus?" "Sure, I know my child with ADHD can focus for hours on his Nintendo DS, but how can I get him to focus on his homework?!"

The answer is PASSION. Hyperfocus can only be effectively directed by passion or threat. So let's focus on passion. Michael Phelps is gifted for two reasons: He has ADHD and he found his passion - swimming. The combination of ADD (or ADHD) and your true passion for something results in an amazing ability to focus, persevere and triumph through all odds to achieve the aims of your passion.

Who knows, you or your child could be the next Michael Phelps of your passion's pursuit.

Rock on,
Garret LoPorto
Author of The DaVinci Method: "How to turn ADHD into a strength"

There you go... So is Michael Phelps ADHD??

However Painful, HE has choosen this Path for me,

2008-08-20T14:18:00.003+08:00

It painful going through what I am going through right now. It is going to take a long while to heal. But I believe that HE has choosen this path for me so no matter how painful it is, its gotta be the right path. I pray that YOU will give me the strength to walk this straight and narrow path and to heal.

I am tired, bruised and hurt, I have no more strength to hate or curse any one now. I just need my inner peace and you gals are my pillar of strength.

Wendy, I really appreciate you being here with me all this while. I know I would not have the courage to walk this path if you were not there by my side all this while.. Thanks a great deal, Wendy, Belle and Angel. I really owe you gals loadsss...

Fadd, you will always be on my mind.
Alexis, good luck in all your future endeavour.

2008-08-16T15:37:00.003+08:00

Will one ever be forgiven by Our Father in Heaven for sins that hurt others and ultimately oneself? The bible says that the Lord is ever forgiving. But when you cannot even forgive yourself for what you have done, how do you expect the Lord or any one else to forgive you.

As the saying goes - A step in the wrong direction causes perpectual pain and destruction beyond redemption.

The Word at a Stand Still

2008-08-13T09:02:00.003+08:00

This past week has been like a night mare. The world just suddenly stood still and nothing seems to be going for me. I cant even study for my exams which is on Monday, so I guess I will just have defer the exam or I will simply hand up a blank answer sheet.

I don't know how long I am going to take to recover from all these. But it sure feels like hell right now. At some times of the day, I feel like I am going to collapse and break down. At times I feel numb, devoid of all emotions and feelings.

But only God knows how this will end for me and when I will see the light..

Tonight I wanna Cry

2008-08-10T09:43:00.003+08:00

All that is left for me to say:

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on,
The sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

(Chorus:)
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better

But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rainFrom my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride, let it fall like rainFrom my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

2008-08-07T15:05:00.003+08:00

Examination is again drawing near, but I have yet to draw on the energy to start studying. Nothing seems to be going the right way. I only hope that I can garner enough strength to study for my coming paper before its too late. Completing it successfully will mean I have crossed the halfway mark.

I would at times wished that I was blind or deaf and be totally ignorant of certain things going on around me. But I can't. How can you when it is dangling just infront of your face? Pretend to be blind and branded a fool? I think I have done that long enough and do not wish to carry on being a fool or a sucker... Its wake up call even though it hurts...

Attachment at Special Needs School

2008-07-22T14:19:00.002+08:00

Just did my 1st full day attachment at a special needs school yesterday and I must say that its been an eye opener. It beats all the lectures and lessons we have had to experience the children first hand and being up close and personal.

I was attached to a very low functioning class where the children are non-verbal and communicate with gestures and PECS picture cards. But all the same, they were able to communicate to a certain degree and like all children and teenagers - they were playful, cheeky and even smart in their own way. They know who has the authority and who they can climb over.

They were not helpless like most of us would think that they are. One of them could even eat on his own out of a flat piece of wrapper. I bet most on our younger kids have problem eating from a flat paper packet without spilling and dirtying the surrounding area.

After lunch the more reponsive and independent ones helped in the cleaning up by sweeping, wiping tables and washing placemats.

By the end of this day, I can say that all special needs children can be independent if given a chance to learn. However, it will need a special person who has patience and yet firmness to train and guide them. It is definatelly not for some one who is too soft and not strong emotionally.

Starting on A Clean Slate

2008-06-06T15:39:00.005+08:00

Here I go. Starting all over again on a slate that is wiped clean of all the memories that I actually wanna keep on this blog. I hope I will be able to move my postings over here from freewebs soon, when I have more energy to do it. So for now, I will have to settle with a link to my history.

http://www.viosangel.webs.com/